Name calling is back in fashion! And it’s about time.

Name-Calling 101

Name-calling is one of civilization’s oldest and most sophisticated forms of criticism, persuasion, and entertainment. Entire empires practiced it professionally. Political movements have survived on it. Families have practically elevated it to an art form.

In education, however, name-calling once served a more practical purpose.

A child who misbehaved, underperformed, or simply irritated the adults in charge might be publicly labeled in front of the entire class. The label would stick immediately. Efficiently. Sometimes permanently.

The student, after all, was not merely corrected.

He was The Dunce.

“Name-calling” generally refers to the use of insulting, demeaning, or derogatory labels intended to humiliate, diminish, or establish dominance over another person.

In simpler terms: somebody gets called a name, and everybody else is supposed to laugh.

When the teacher was the one doing the labeling, however, the process (and the name) became official. Institutional. Educational.

The “dunce,” for example, was no longer merely struggling.

He was The Dunce.

Dropping a Letter

Recently, the free world has revived this proud rhetorical tradition with a new political term: DUMocrats.

The innovation is deceptively simple.

Remove the “b” from the word “dumb,” and suddenly you have a perfectly serviceable nickname for an entire political party. The missing letter itself almost becomes part of the joke — as though Democrats are apparently so incompetent they can no longer even spell the insult correctly.

It is childish.

It is ridiculous.

It is, admittedly, fairly memorable.

A Political Party

To be fair, I have been a Democrat for most of my life.

My mother was a Democrat. My grandparents were devoted Roosevelt Democrats. Members of my extended family campaigned enthusiastically for John F. Kennedy. Somewhere along the line, I inherited not only the political affiliation, but also the assumption that Democrats were generally the adults in the room.

Lately, however, I have become less certain.

Not because I suddenly believe Democrats are evil, or unintelligent, or uniquely corrupt. Politics rarely works that neatly.

But I do increasingly suspect that the party has become timid, performative, overly cautious, and spectacularly ineffective at responding to modern political warfare.

To put it less academically:

we often look like a room full of people bringing laminated discussion guidelines to a bar fight.

BACK TO THE DUNCE CORNER

Still, I should probably say this:

having been publicly name-called in front of the entire country, I do not especially enjoy it.

Not one bit.

And despite the wonderful new terminology, I do not actually think Democrats are “dumb.” Ineffective at times? Certainly. Disorganized? Frequently. Unable to move collectively in a single direction without twelve subcommittees and a restorative listening session? Quite possibly.

But dumb?

No.

Which brings us back to the classroom.

Apparently, many of us now belong in the dunce corner, placed there by our highly educated, deeply literate, relentlessly name-calling Commander-in-Chief.

Fine.

History suggests that publicly humiliating people does not usually make them quieter. Quite the opposite, in fact.

The students in the back of the room are often the ones exchanging the sharpest observations, passing the funniest notes, and quietly realizing that the authority figure doing all the labeling may not be nearly as wise as he imagines himself to be.

So if the “DUMocrats” are now officially the dunces, I suppose there is only one appropriate response:

we will sit in the corner, sharpen our sarcasm, wad up a few notebook-paper spitballs, and wait for the perfect moment to launch them.